Elizabeth Bernstein wrote a memorial article recently in the Wall Street Journal. The article isn't memorable as a potential Pulitzer, but because it brought back a few memories of my 25 years of wedded bliss.

 

"Last year, Lindsay Demma Gibson was thrilled to find a stocking and, under the tree, several carefully wrapped gifts from her husband Christmas morning.

That is, until she opened them.

 

Ms. Gibson, an elementary-school teacher, had been hoping for her favorite perfume, new boots or a nice purse.

 

Instead, her husband gave her golf gloves, a golf skirt and a golf shirt with a country-club logo on it—even though she rarely hits the links. He also presented her with a heating pad, Listerine breath strips and generic nasal strips to prevent snoring.


"I never got gifts like that before," says Ms. Gibson, who lives near Hershey, Pa. "It looked as if my husband was buying for a 70-year-old lady riddled with arthritis and face-crinkling halitosis, not me, his lovely 34-year-old bride who practices good oral hygiene." 


I hate to be the one to tell you this, but your mother was wrong: It doesn't matter one bit if you were naughty or nice all year. Chances are, at some point in your marriage or relationship, your partner is going to give you a bad gift. And although it might not be quite as traumatic as the time you asked Santa for a Nintendo set and got a Boggle game instead, it's still going to sting." 


I remember (because my wife reminds me every year) when I gave her an encyclopedia dictionary. It was a big, heavy book filled with photo and new words that I bought from a door to door salesman. What woman wouldn't want the gift of knowledge? Guess what...I found out a LOT of women would not like this gift.  


"Kirk Gibson, giver of the breath-freshener and antisnoring strips, admits that he erred on the side of practical last year, but says that some of the presents were meant to make his wife laugh. "My problem is I didn't follow them up with a real gift," says Mr. Gibson, a 33-year-old organizational development consultant who has been married not quite three years. 


Women tend to care more about gifts. They shop more, and think more about them. They attach more emotion to them. And they can be more demanding and less direct. (If I ask my husband what he wants for the holidays, he will say "nothing" and mean it. If he asks me, I will say "nothing," as well. And God help him if he believes me.) 


Making matters even worse: When it comes to bad gifts, women have the memory of elephants. Take Donna Clark Goodrich. In 1962, she asked her husband for a recording of Handel's "Messiah." Instead, he got her a parody LP of the Kennedy family by impressionist Vaughn Meader. "I've never let my husband live that Christmas down," says Ms. Goodrich, 71, a writer in Mesa, Ariz." writes Elizabeth

 

One Christmas tradition I share with my mother is who can give the other the Ugliest present. I've received an African fertility statue, a Martin Luther bobble head, weird carvings some people would call "art”, but I just call them plain ugly. Last years ugly gift was an Obama commemorative plate which I was able to re-gift this year at a white elephant exchange. The plate went to a dear republican friend. Although my mother has also received some very ugly gifts, this year I hope to outdo her with an Obama Chia Pet. 


Although Christmas traditions can include some fun, even warped traditions, one thing is important to remember... When giving gifts to your partner or spouse ....practicality is usually not what they expect, no matter how much they tell you otherwise.

 

-Gary